She In A Brothel

Joyfully She Spun Herself
Into A Cocoon
To Be A Butterfly
And Painfully
She Struggled
And Released Herself
But Into The Web Of Poisonous Mankind
To Be Displayed In Glass Cages
As Mummified Corpses
With A Needle Through Her Body
And Her Wings Stapled To End Her Freedom
To Fly

I Detest Myself And I Cry For You
For I've Not Been A Man To Free You
>From The Inhumane Shackles Of
The Oldest Trade Known To Man
Or Fight For Your Rights To Live A Decent Life
But I've Been A Coward
And Silently Have Enjoyed Your Innocence

But Someday I Shall Spin You Once Again
In The Cocoon Of My Acceptance
And Love
Till Then Wait For Me
I Shall Be There For You

Last Evening It Was Raining Cats & Dogs. I Was Drenched To The Skin. Came Home And Wrote This.

Speak To Me Just Once Please
Tell Me About Your
Anguish, Pain, Sorrow
And Your Story Of Despair
For Your Tears Bring Rain To My Eyes
But I'm Not A Pond
To Accumulate Your Feelings
To Burst Down Dams
And Flood To Destroy Who Flourish
In The Banks Of My Eyelids
But Please Do Cry Occasionally
My Darling Rain
I Need You At Times Too

Ivan Sada


The hot hectic day eventually turned into an immaculate dusk. A sudden gush of wind swept the sky clear. Birds flew for the last time to retire to their nests. Nocturnal animals and humans anticipated the darkness, as gregarious as can be, to paint the town red.

My anticipation for my friends to arrive at the Deli was taking its own sweet pace. Thus, my thoughts and me just merged and mingled at the sight outside, as the last ray of twilight faded away.

Mother had been pestering me for ages to settle down and giver her grandchildren so that she would not be alone. The dialogue I had to hear everyday was "Life is passing you by. It is time to settle down. When are you getting married?" I always pushed aside her wants, desires and ignored the fact that I was crossing the last mile over the hill. I moved through life as it came, at times like a vagabond. I did not want to be shackled so soon into the world of dire-responsibilities. I just wanted to attain and edify my personal and physical needs and accomplishing it made me content. I had a business and it was doing well. Had a circle of eminent and remarkable friends was itself a feat few of my childhood friends had accomplished. Their lives just rotated around their protruded, obese wives who demanded more and gave less. There never was and will never be a panacea for their kind and how I pity them. They sang their swan song the day they got married. I yet had to compose mine.

The Deli started to fill up and orders flew from every table. The waiters were on their toes. I heard giggles here and saw handshakes there. A roar of laughter was heard behind me and I dared not look but still my mind lingered on the thought of my life as a philanthropist. Was life a façade and my love for mankind, fake? What lay in the future for me? I introspected for a long time and came to the conclusion that old age was something I feared the most. It was something that had never been with me before. I wondered, "Who would be beside me during the moment of my transition to the other side?" and the fear gripped me once more, more intensely. My heart, soul and spirit were in tenterhooks for an answer. And at that very moment, she entered the Deli with a breathtaking, graceful gait and it seemed her feet never touched the floor.

For a moment she stood still and roamed her doe like eyes across the room, searching, hoping to find someone. She was disappointed, a bit embarrassed too as she realized that snake eyes were glaring and groping at her in utmost awe. The moment passed and she gathered her composure. Then her steps directed her to my table and I heard the most gentle and charming voice, "May I join you for a while, while my date for the evening arrives and it seems you need some company too?"

I mumbled, "Sure, my pleasure" and offered her a seat. As she sat down, I smelled a mild fragrance but did not notice any makeup. Her hair was set loose with a neat cowlick across her forehead. Her fingers were long and had well manicured nails but without any polish. Though she looked simple, the way she carried herself and the aura around her felt as though a halo hung above her head.

Till this moment the waiter had been waiting patiently for my order, which I had procrastinated until the moment for my friends to arrive. He then set the drink menu on the table with flair of an Italian wine connoisseur and waited like a private for an order from the general.

I flipped through the menu and asked her, "Would you like to accompany me?" She replied, "Shirley Temple, thank you". I settled for a lager.

That was all we spoke. Then silence crept into the air around us. We just stole glances at each other and our watches. We just sat there sipping our drinks and acknowledging each others presence and enjoying the calm and stillness that prevailed.

Each with our own thoughts, we did not realize that time has passed us by so swiftly and as her mobile became alive, it bought us back to reality. Her conversation was short and when I looked at her with a certain concern, she hung up the phone. The last words that I heard was "I understand". I realized her date would not turn up. She was alone.

My friends were nowhere in sight and I least bothered about them. My intuition was right about them not turning up when I was dressing up at home. I did not know how but she sensed the dilemma I was in, as to go home or to continue the evening alone without them. Then she said, "It seems that both of us are alone for the evening and it would be such a waste to let it just go by. I know we both are going through a nostalgic period thinking now that yesterday was better than today. Well! I do not think it was. So if we are hung up on nostalgia, lets pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time".

Yes, that night we painted the town red. A night I shall never forget.

She wanted to go home alone and asked me to call for her a taxi but I insisted on taking her home. As we reached her destination, I realized that it was no other but the home for the Elderly. Before we parted she told me, "I'm a spinster and I used to fear old age. But fear of old age became natural when I started taking life as a blessing, everything changed and I have lived my entire life one day at a time".

I'm no longer afraid of old age for life is beautiful with people like her. I thank her for she taught me how to grow old gracefully.

I don't dye my gray hair any longer.

Shade Of Black & White

Never Be Afraid Of The End Of The Night
For In The Beginning Of The Day ~ Is Life
And Life Is Beautiful
Always With Streaks Of Hope
Every Moment ~ All The Time

Never Be Afraid Of The End Of The Day
For In The Beginning Of The night ~ Are Unfolded Secrets
And Secrets Are Revealing
Always With Sparks Of Amazement
Every Moment ~ All The Time

Now I wonder
Is Black White

Ivan Sada

Made In China

Southern Rock ~ Universal I would say
Rocks the radio, everyday
And I wondered in quotes ~ "Here In Nepal Too??"

Ninety One and a Hundred
And A Hundred Plus Four To Six
The Frequency Modulation Stations
Pelt Likes Of Tunes
Tunes Never Heard
And As I Ascended The Hill
With Tired Legs
I Saw A Man With A Load On His Back
Of The Sixties, Maybe Plus Ten
Walking With Gaiety
And He Just Smiled At Me
And Said

Ivan Sada